Saturday, August 3, 2013

Bio Of A 30-Something

20 miles worth of thoughts to sort through. I couldn't ostensibly run that long without suffering from the complications of pulmonary collapse, otherwise this post will become an obituary or an epitaph to my poor grave and no one has the time to read. 3 decades++ (coz I stopped counting at 30) of self-deprecating, hostile annotations. Not sure of what I'm trying to prove, I just know that the profanity-spewing guttersnipe, optimistic despite the odds in life ME was the result of all these ironies. 

As you process the plethora of words i have summed up, I give you this video, Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve (courtesy of YouTube) to make your reading experience a little bit disparate from the usual yawn-inducing blogs. Not that I call this my life-song, that sentiment would be too mainstream. Whatever, just hit the play button & read, you silly. 


That your first day at pre-school only means signing up to another 15 years or so first days of your sheer academic life, not to include summer classes or any educational course your parents will coerce you to attend. It pains me to grasp that after all the studying you have done at school, all the lessons you must learn you will experience once you step out of it. Not every strategy in life is found in textbooks. Not every important decision you will make will be taught by your teacher. 

That not taking afternoon nap even if you were being scolded by your mom will definitely be one of the biggest regrets in your life. As you grow, it will dawn you how many hours of uninterrupted sleep you have wasted, sleeping is the ultimate gratification you will ever need.

That learning your English ABC does not exempt you from learning the Mandarin Ling-Yi-Er-San because knowledge not only for a second but also a third or hell, fourth language signifies wit and being well-off. 

That even after 18,250 11:11 wishes you made starting at the tender age of 6, none of it will come true in a snap of a finger. No tooth fairy, no aging Santa Claus nor a generous fairy godmother will reward you with imperative relief to any emotional sap.

That the dream of your parents for you to become a medical doctor or a big shot lawyer does not necessarily have to be your own dream, when all that really interests you is  as simple as to satiate on a cup of coffee, read a book, your gorgeous man sitting next to you and just having some sense of peace that you do not owe anybody any thing, and because you believe that if there's any more to life than those 4 simple things, you really have to know because you're quite ambitious for it, too. 

That falling in love the first time and just being cheated on after is the least agonizing thing a normal human being could ever go through. Who would know that a juvenile heartache is the most subtle form of pain? I wouldn't have guessed that. 

That your first love is not only your first lethal dose of bitter pill but also the first among the many fucktards you will spend voluminous time with in this sea of X & Y chromosomes.  

That falling in love AGAIN after a mortifying first relationship doesn't guarantee you'll find a far better prince nor a knight in his shining armor of bullshit. 

That the supreme way to know that you have a heart is to experience poignant shredding heartaches first hand as if it's a necessity for survival. 

That you really have to use every falling star and ASK for your ONE GREAT LOVE to finally find you  & save you from being the shabby slave to love that you are. 

That even at 30-something you cannot connect the reason why you had to irrationally find the value of a god-damned X in an algebra class. With all the advancement in technology, how come these geniuses cannot establish the reality that numbers and alphabets do not go well together. I could just stifle a laugh.

That you owe your English teachers big time in Junior high for forcing into you the importance of good grammar, right punctuation and parallelism aside from the list of mass nouns that do not really need an "S" at the end just to know they are plural.  

That being a prodigy is the single most effective trait you need to make you stand out in class because having an average mind not only makes you a commoner but also a mute and invisible in the eye of everyone.

That your university  is the only ticket you need to land the most coveted job in the metropolis. The expensive the tuition fee, the better the chances of being shortlisted in a company. An advantageous but discriminatory speck of the society right in the face of the masses.

That your first job will make up the professional person that you will become, not only it will serve as your training ground, but also every thing you will need to get you ahead in the race of sky-high remuneration will truthfully be taught to you on your first work experience.

That your loyalty to your first ever paying job does not really matter. When you resign, they may appear remorseful for letting you go because you have spent almost a decade burning yourself for their business, but you are just another common employee, asset or not, that they could easily shove-off and be forgotten in just a month or shorter. No one in real life will commend you for sharing your expertise and for using up all your intelligence not unless you found a cure for Cancer or discovered a gadget that will trump the beauty of an Apple product. 

That working from 8 in the morning til 5, for 6 days a week in almost 2/3 of your life as an employee will never buy you an early retirement, unless somewhere along those 15 years you made a smart move of investing to a business that has the staying power. 

That a relative working overseas will automatically elevate the status of your family in the society from being Class C to Class B or A- because of the commiserable notion that being abroad smells of monthly dollar remittances or quarterly supply of imported stuff delivered right through your doorstep.

That racism is not a thing of the past in some parts of the world. There will always be people who will think so low of you when they do not even have a clue when you mindlessly used the word "procrastinating" or "imbecile" in one of your conversations. 

That there will always be an asshole in your workplace that is a walking whino who has nothing on his mind but to slack, ask for an increase in salary but always report to work late, as in 10 am late. Or even a know-all scoundrel who has the nerve to ask you if you know how to use a damn effing pipettor. Really, dude? That's peanut butter & jelly in my CV. 

That earning a monthly salary that is 10x over what you usually get will never ever suffice your growing need for survival because "horcruxes" were inserted in your entire biography to make things harder for you. 

That belonging to a 3rd world country deprived of all the conveniences in living is merely an advantage when you sail overseas because adjusting will never be your problem.

That having a social life means creating multiple social network accounts, updating once in a while, carefully filtering all the information you spill so as not to be hailed as a social climber nor a bandwagoner. 

That the true measure of popularity on this digital age depends on the number of followers and friends you have, even a huge portion of them you haven't even met in person or haven't really talked to during freshmen years. And when this is your social media life, you are essentially the polar opposite of popular. 

That a status update on Facebook or a 140-character tweet done by a douchebag could ruin your already obliterated day. Who would think that self-control and anger management is best honed when checking your timeline and news feed? 

That you are RUNNING SHORT of falling stars to wish on so you could DEMAND for your ONE GREAT LOVE to find you & save you from being the shabby slave, growing impatient, desperate to love that you are. 

That the height of immature teenage girlishness these days is FAME, surpassing the old cliche of happily ever after fantasy in some cocky European castle. 

That the fastest way to stardom is uploading a video on YouTube hoping one day a stroke of luck will cross your way and your clip will become viral all over the net, regardless if that 2 minute airtime is a display of your talent, random weirdness or your most hidden physical form. Sex video, as we may know became the igniting fortune to some of today's celebs like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. Not that they actually both need it, their wealth itself is an easy ladder to fame.

That plastic surgery is a badge you wear on your face, an easy claim that you have hefty money in your resume. More than the expensive arm candies or wardrobes screaming of the millions you could easily ditch, looking as if you indeed found the elixir of life should rightfully land you on Forbes list.

That even you were born organized and neat-freak, there will always be massive loose ends you need to tie-up because life bitching on you is only one of the signs that you are alive and still not rotting six-feet under.

That one fateful day, you will meet that ONE GREAT LOVE. Someone you will love to hate, love to live with and love to die for. Someone you will SOON say "I do" wearing your dream wedding dress, someone worth all the pain, malevolence and deceit you've been through. Thank you babe! 

That living this LIFE doesn't have to be in proper sequence. Being an iconoclast can give more self satisfaction than sticking to the idealism of some overrated prophet. Who sets the standards anyway? I have seen so many people went through life in reverse but they remain biologically capable like any eukaryotic organism.

That even after 30 or 40 years, a lot of people still don't know what they want to be or what they want to do. Not only souls get sucked up in the LOST alleyway, living people actually are worst. 

That there are actually NO RULES or default programs on how you should handle your timed existence on earth. I believe that for as long as you respect that there's a Supreme Being much much powerful than any of us, the one controlling our lives, every goodness follows and all you need is your mind and your heart to design the rest of it.

I am feeling a tad bit defeated. Conveying how a 30-something have lived her life seems to be a little outside everyone else's sphere of comprehension. I could be flayed alive and stitched back together over and over again and still no one can fully understand how one came to perceive all of these. Be guileless, to settle my heart to the things and people that make me shine brighter: these I know for sure. 

If you are a young blood on your way making tiny steps, no annihilation intended from my end.