This may sound whiny, but in no other way to describe this, so be it. It's just baffling to me why you have to go through a lot of cow dang for a particular moment, in a succession that unleashes the devil in you. Maybe someone or something isn't aware of the word "idle" or taking one sheez at a time for that matter. Anyway, describing the animosity that I've gone through is like letting you feel in your hand a drop of cold water from a fountain, impossible but could be understood. I feel my being slowly crashing down as if there’s no way to stop the increasing number of catastrophes that knock on my door. I swear I was on the verge of screaming it all out. Whatever inch of sanity I barely possessed, I held on to it like it was the last breath of air I could engulf. Sleepless nights. I turned into eating and loading the most enormous amount of sustenance I could handle. I indulged in spas, taking my time to relax and detoxify my body and spent half a fortune to every available massage and treatment there was.
So imagine yourself in one of these :It's like you're glammed up with one of your best, pricey designer dress but on your way to a shindig, you tripped over an uneven floor tile and broke your Loubs. Lethal! And to your dismay, you realized your mobile was drained to death giving you the only option of an Emergency call. You could also imagine being stir-fried on a wok by your bosses on one of your meetings, you could not find a single sensible reason to bail yourself from a problem that is probably not that life threatening at all but because you are aware that you are actually conversing with the most exaggerated bunch of people on the land, you know you couldn't slither through without ripping off your sanity into pieces. In utter humiliation, you consider consulting the astrological signs of each one of them so you could somehow decipher what are they milling inside their heads. Pathetic. I will sign a waiver to allow myself be murdered rather than be in the same scenario ever again.
The world I know is a modern-day bitch, it screws you until the only grain of hope you have is completely gone. I wonder how would it be 20, 30 years after i have concluded this post. Maybe there could be far worse things that may occur. It's a probability and more of a possibility. That light at the end of the tunnel cliche i hear appear to me as brilliant bullshit, coz there is no spark of light I could see from afar. LOL. There's just too much hatred in me to go on writing every superlative I know just to be able to vent out the frustration I bear. Did i just miss my rainbow? How come the universe suddenly transformed into a BIG BLACK HOLE ready to devour me with just one wrong move?
So if you ask me how am i coping now, I'd say I'm rocking it. Quite seriously, I am. Somehow I've found the rainbow, covered in thick, azure clouds... I just had to open my eyes to realize. It came into view during one of the most unexpected second of my existence. So it does exists, you just have to search for it and own it at the same time ♥